Part 21: York, You Goddamned Dumbshit

Hey there, goons and goonettes! Last time, on Secret of Evermore, we recovered the second Diamond Eye from the Halls of Collosia. Upon returning to Horace's Camp, we found out that the man himself isn't around. Today, we're going to go find him, so let's boogie.





'sup, Madronius? Your brother taught us how to throw fireballs. Cool dude.



Horace is on the west bank of the river. Where the treasure was.





Fireball is exactly what it sounds like it'd be; it throws a goddamned fireball at the enemy.



Enemies like to move around, so it's hard to get a good shot of it.



At the moment, it's not too powerful, but it'll get up there, much like Crush and Sting.





If you look toward the path, you'd fucking see who was coming.



Horace! You're...Christ, that is an ugly outfit.





If you'd kept your ass at the camp, you'd know I have.





Careful, folks. York's dumbassitude is about to raise by four or five levels.







I'm beginning to think this might not be our buddy Horace.



And I'm pretty sure that's not a noise that people make. York, take the Eyes back.





When someone acts like they do in your B-movies, York, you should be suspicious.



But don't do anything to stop him while he's right there. That'd be too much to ask.



...Gentlemen.



And he sent you two to stop us?





Kiss my ass, scarface. We've got places to be.



Oh, yeah, this counts as a mini-boss battle. The music plays and everything, even though those are just two run-of-the-mill Rogues.



Hold your judgment until we actually fight that battle, York. Your opinion might change.



You don't say?







Oh, let's just get over there.







I'm leveling Fireball as we go.





Quickly, across the desert!





While he rows us across, he has a little speech.

I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you aboard our non-stop shuttle to Nobilia--"The Little Jewel of the Desert of Doom." On your left is a large expanse of sand, rocks, and scrub weed. While you're enjoying your stay in Nobilia, you can shop for goods, armor and charms in the "Bargain Bazaar." While we make our approach to the city, please return your seats and tray tables to their upright positions. Remain seated until the boat comes to a complete stop.



Well, that was basically quickly enough. Cost us an Amulet of Annihilation, though.



Hmm. This is odd.



Where the hell is everyone?



Helloooooooooo?



Let's check out the square. That's probably a good place to find people.





For what?



I think it's at this moment that York became reasonably sure that this isn't Horace.



And where did he get those? Hmmm, York?







Are you ready for the best line we've seen yet? And probably Yapping Eevee's favorite?











What in the hell--



OH GOD IT'S ALIVE



Let's fix that.



This is Aegis, our latest boss fight.



He's got a gimmick to him; at the moment, he has a shield up. It's that gold disk on his forehead.



While the shield is up, Aegis is invulnerable to all forms of damage; he'll also summon enemies to keep you occupied.



Aegis has no attacks himself, other than summoning these enemies.



He has three enemies he can summon; this shield has the Red Will o' the Wisp, which has 40 HP. They drop 20 EXP and jewels, so you could theoretically grind out a level here.



After a short time, he'll drop the shield and becomes vulnerable.



You can see it happening in the video, but the shield will blink in and out when it's dropping and being raised. Aegis has 3,800 HP to get through.



He doesn't care much for alchemy.







Aegis is a word that means something like shield, defend, protect, that sort of thing. The name makes sense when you consider it can raise a shield to become invincible.



These recolored Bone Buzzards are called Skullclaws, and they have 200 HP. They give out the same EXP and money as the Red Wisps, and they're basically just another annoyance.



Oh, and if you were thinking of just leaving the arena...



Evil Horace has planted C4 charges to keep your from doing just such a thing.





This is the last shield Aegis can raise and has the best enemy he can summon.



These are Bad Dawgs, and they have 120 HP.



If you try and smack them around, they don't really care for your attempts there. Like most living creatures, lighting them on fire is effective.



Let's get to beating this guy to death, shall we?





He gave us 3,000 EXP in addition to this wad of cash, too. Aegis is a piss-easy boss with a weird gimmick, and his only method of attack is to summon pathetic enemies. I'm not sure what the developers had in mind here, but whatever it was, it didn't work very well.



I've no idea why York's sword has turned green.



Additionally, fuck you, York.



Hey, it's the real Horace!



Honestly, any alchemist could have handled this.





Why do you suspect that? What evidence was there for that? Was he beep borp boopin' when I wasn't looking?



J-just skippin' over the robot thing, York? That doesn't give you even a second's pause?



Guess so.



And what's your plan for this, Horace?



...I'll give you this one, Horace. Tiny's got what it takes to pitch that shit outta here.





We've met before, Tiny. I had you throw a big-ass rock.



"No idea when it will explode, so if you could hurry, that'd be great."



There's an Adam Sandler joke here, but not even I will sink that low.







And there it goes. Good job, Tiny.



Yes, yes, we're all impressed.

Jeesh, I have a spell that does the same thing...





On the left side of his chest?



Eh, he seems like a good enough person. I'm not worried about it.



...Still not mentioning the robotic twin? Or anything else that happened here?



No, Horace? You're just going to drop that line and move on?



Okay then. Just as long as I know what the deal is.



Madronius! Or his brother, I'm not sure.





You got here pretty quickly, Mads. What's up, dude?



...So, your camp was blown up, a tunnel is revealed, and you got here in about eight seconds. I'm honestly more interested in the last part of that statement.



Really? I suppose if we're just trying to find our way home, we may as well head over thataway.





Aye, thanks, indeed.



Possibly yours, too, Horace. I'm pretty sure we won't just abandon you here.





Well, won't be the worst thing that's happened to us, that's for damned sure.





You can actually miss this item here. If you have less than six Call Beads, Horace will simply give you Call Beads until you have six. If you have six Call Beads, then he'll fork over the Staff of Life. As he says, it increases your Defense and is much better than some Call Beads.





And on that, ladies and gentlemen, we close out this update. Next update, we'll see about finishing off Antiqua, so stay tuned!

CHARACTER STATS





Three levels lower and the only edge York has on Zach is in HP and magic defense. Otherwise, as has been fairly true during our journey, Zach is definitely the one better off, but York has the edge with alchemy, considering some of the crazy shit we can do with it.